NEW YORK CITY

New York City is a claustrophobic array of transient people. People are rushing down the subways, uptown, downtown, across the river and at a pace. Human traffic and yellow taxis blur over grimy sidewalks and loiterers eyeball you with an expression of intoxication blended with dissatisfaction. You’re conspicuous because you dare to look up.

Even though this city is overwhelming and the sensory onslaught relentless, if you keep your mind sharp you can find some of the best food in the world. Although the Australian palate leans towards the Asian inspired which you will find somewhat lacking, you will be seduced by the unapologetic American diner culture that, like many of the districts in Manhattan, are now trendy and upscale.

1. Shake Shack, 11 Madison Ave, Gramercy & Flatiron

If the shack’s shaking... well. Look, I tried to make this a clean post but there’s nothing clean about this place. This is where burgers come to die. And a truckload of them die every day if the queues are any indication. Get yourself to the Madison Square Park shack because that’s where picturesque gardens are juxtaposed against ravenous bloody murder. I can’t tell you what makes these so good, but this is the best burger I’ve ever had. The ingredients are the usual suspects -  lettuce, tomato, sauce, cheese – nothing groundbreaking here. And maybe something ridiculously addictive that is sold on the streets for a market value of a million dollars? It’s all speculation. But you’ll pay just $9 for it. If I made friends with lactose, I’d also have a shake because not very surprisingly, that’s also what they’re known for.

2. Balthazar’s, 80 Spring St, Soho

New York City is all about the bistro. It’s crawling with tourists from all over the globe but this makes it no less enticing. It is French influenced like a lot of the cuisine in NYC, but done well and without the pretention. This institution has a strong foothold in Soho. Steak Frites with no pomp and circumstance just grilled to perfection.

3. Ippudo, 65 4th Avenue, East Village

It’s very now. Though "now" is not when you’ll get it. No reservations and a 2-3 hour wait. But the most delectable pork buns I’ve ever had and spicy ramen that will spin you.

4. Eleven Madison Park, 11 Madison Ave, Flatiron

So it rounds up the top ten in the world’s best restaurants. You’ll need to have nimble fingers to get a booking as it’s all online and the system opens up a month beforehand which means you’ll need to get clicking and probably at midnight due to the time difference. This is thought provoking, complex and beautiful. But it’s rich and expect to crawl out of there – on your back because if you tried to crawl on your stomach your limbs would be elevated and flailing. 4 courses for $75 for lunch is an unbelievable deal and you will have at least 10 different very international wait staff serve you. Foie gras, lobster, beef, pork, chamomile, quail’s egg. The monologues preceding each course is absolute decadence. Prepare to keep a stiff back the entire time because this is some of the finest fine dining. Rather foreign, considering my eating stance is usually hunched over with minimal eye contact to those around me.

5. Gray’s Papaya, 2090 Broadway, Upper West Side

Sidewalk carts are pretty dirty, but if you want some dirt with a bit of infamy you’ll travel west to Gray’s Papaya for the recession special. Two hot dogs and a Papaya drink which tastes like diabetes is what you’ll get for $5. Is this the best hot dog I’ve ever had? No, not really. But I’d ride the subway for 20 minutes to do it again.

6. Joe’s, 7 Carmine St, West Village

You cannot visit NYC without having a triangle slice with pepperoni. Joe’s is particularly good but packed with college kids. Or "and" packed with college kids, if you like that sort of thing.

7. Gyu-Kaku, 34 Cooper Square, East Village

Apart from the notable risks such as singing your eyebrows off, this Japanese BBQ joint imported from Japan is a find and a steal. It is reasonably priced and the cuts quality. Pork belly. Get it.

8. Bareburger, 2nd Ave, East Village

Shake Shack might beat it, but Bare Burger is pushing envelopes, walls, bison, elk. You can choose every element of this organic masterpiece. Brioche or wholemeal bun? Beef, chicken, moose, anything with four legs? Medium rare or well done? And the service is magic. And by magic, I mean our waitress with the huge boobs was very friendly and attentive. 

9. Clinton Street Baking Company, 4 Clinton St, Lower East Side

You’ll need to bring your sweet tooth here and then expect to lose it after taking in the creamed maple syrup. Sure, there are other things on the menu you could order but you’ll have food envy and end up assaulting somebody. Even if you don’t have a sweet tooth there is no denying how absolutely perfect these flat cakes are.

10. Katz’s Deli, 205 East Houston St, Lower East Side

Pastrami Sandwich. DO IT. And it’s open 24 hours. So do it all day and all night.
We stumbled in from the Meatpacking District at 5 am and the clientele at this time may have difficulty focusing, but the sandwiches are so big you'll need only partial vision to participate.

11. Pommes Frites, 123 2nd Ave, East Village

I don’t really need to say anything here. Fries in a CONE. A CONE.

12. Tompkins Square Bagels, 165 Avenue A, East Village

New Yorkers are spoilt for bagels. You could be conventional with your fillings and order salmon, wasabi cream cheese, anything else cliché. Or you could dislocate your jaw and hoe into something a little bit larger than life. Seriously, I injured myself tackling this thing but I did it for my country. I made a lasting impression on the New Yorkers who are not easily shocked by finishing this beast.

There is a perfectly rational explanation for why you are allowed so much excess baggage on US bound flights. These vagabond shoes are longing to stray - into a Weight Watchers.