L'ATELIER DE MONSIEUR TRUFFE

Lofty ceilings, warehouse space, chocolatier, enticing red door.

Red flusters me. It may be a primal red colouring artificial flavour arousal or possibly because I have a bit of bull in me (not the first time I’ve been accused of this) and the red door is akin to a matador’s cape. Either way I have chills and they’re multiplying. And that’s just the exterior. The space is alarmingly good. There is already an abundance of natural light but in the absence of it there are large industrial lights hanging from the warehouse eaves. The red chocolate-making contraption on display reminds you that Monsier Truffe is first and foremost a chocolatier. Red again? I’m stamping my foot ready to charge.

The indoor bike stand and attractive indie staff with ambiguous accents may leave you feeling uncool. The disinterest of some of the staff can be off-putting and manifest in you some frustration but the coffee is magnificent, the menu lengthy and the chilli chocolate orgasmic. To fully appreciate the menu you will need a good ten minutes. This will give you time to read it and cast your enviable eye over neighbouring tables and their meals to better exact a decision. Usual breakfast protocol.

Lemon ricotta pancakes were subtly flavoured but my dining companion admitted they were slightly dry. The smoked salmon with fuji apple a caper berries on sourdough was refreshing. The apple & caper berries had a pleasant tartness. The special on the board which had me conflicted? Organic eggs in a jar with Tasmanian truffles and potatoes. Oh the extravagance. And also extravagant is the chocolate which you must try whether it be a chilli chocolate or chocolate hugging something complementary like a hazelnut. Everything chocolate is conveniently located near the register so take your credit card or your will power. 


This place is worth travelling (or cycling) to East Brunswick for. No bull. 

L'atelier de Monsieur Truffe

351 Lygon St

Brunswick East VIC 3057

(03) 9380 4915

FRANCO CHOO'S

Franco Choo's – “I choo choose you” - Ralph Wiggum; circa never... probably because I made it up.

There is something Shakesperean about the rivalry between the North and South of Melbourne. Franco Choo's is like a charming Romeo sneaking over the river to Prahran aka Capulet’s balcony and wooing Southies with homely cuisine, mismatched plates and a level of intimacy not usually found off Chapel Street. So if you ignore the whole dying part this analogy is rather romantic and PS aspiring Romeos out there, this candle-lit modestly sized venue is also perfect for date night.

On Tuesdays, which I have affably termed Choos-days, there are 2 courses and a glass of Vermentino or Dolcetto available for $38. You can also get another course for $10 (who did that? ME. And yes I’d let the whole table watch me eat dessert again, no regrets). The menu changes regularly dependent on seasonal produce and whim.

Squid ink risotto, roast pork belly with mashed potatoes & vanilla panna cotta. 

The food is delightful – “so get chewing/choo-ing.” – DD; 2012.

Franco Choo's

179a High St

Prahran VIC 3181

(03) 9529 7310

www.francochoos.com.au

NEW YORK CITY

New York City is a claustrophobic array of transient people. People are rushing down the subways, uptown, downtown, across the river and at a pace. Human traffic and yellow taxis blur over grimy sidewalks and loiterers eyeball you with an expression of intoxication blended with dissatisfaction. You’re conspicuous because you dare to look up.

Even though this city is overwhelming and the sensory onslaught relentless, if you keep your mind sharp you can find some of the best food in the world. Although the Australian palate leans towards the Asian inspired which you will find somewhat lacking, you will be seduced by the unapologetic American diner culture that, like many of the districts in Manhattan, are now trendy and upscale.

1. Shake Shack, 11 Madison Ave, Gramercy & Flatiron

If the shack’s shaking... well. Look, I tried to make this a clean post but there’s nothing clean about this place. This is where burgers come to die. And a truckload of them die every day if the queues are any indication. Get yourself to the Madison Square Park shack because that’s where picturesque gardens are juxtaposed against ravenous bloody murder. I can’t tell you what makes these so good, but this is the best burger I’ve ever had. The ingredients are the usual suspects -  lettuce, tomato, sauce, cheese – nothing groundbreaking here. And maybe something ridiculously addictive that is sold on the streets for a market value of a million dollars? It’s all speculation. But you’ll pay just $9 for it. If I made friends with lactose, I’d also have a shake because not very surprisingly, that’s also what they’re known for.

2. Balthazar’s, 80 Spring St, Soho

New York City is all about the bistro. It’s crawling with tourists from all over the globe but this makes it no less enticing. It is French influenced like a lot of the cuisine in NYC, but done well and without the pretention. This institution has a strong foothold in Soho. Steak Frites with no pomp and circumstance just grilled to perfection.

3. Ippudo, 65 4th Avenue, East Village

It’s very now. Though "now" is not when you’ll get it. No reservations and a 2-3 hour wait. But the most delectable pork buns I’ve ever had and spicy ramen that will spin you.

4. Eleven Madison Park, 11 Madison Ave, Flatiron

So it rounds up the top ten in the world’s best restaurants. You’ll need to have nimble fingers to get a booking as it’s all online and the system opens up a month beforehand which means you’ll need to get clicking and probably at midnight due to the time difference. This is thought provoking, complex and beautiful. But it’s rich and expect to crawl out of there – on your back because if you tried to crawl on your stomach your limbs would be elevated and flailing. 4 courses for $75 for lunch is an unbelievable deal and you will have at least 10 different very international wait staff serve you. Foie gras, lobster, beef, pork, chamomile, quail’s egg. The monologues preceding each course is absolute decadence. Prepare to keep a stiff back the entire time because this is some of the finest fine dining. Rather foreign, considering my eating stance is usually hunched over with minimal eye contact to those around me.

5. Gray’s Papaya, 2090 Broadway, Upper West Side

Sidewalk carts are pretty dirty, but if you want some dirt with a bit of infamy you’ll travel west to Gray’s Papaya for the recession special. Two hot dogs and a Papaya drink which tastes like diabetes is what you’ll get for $5. Is this the best hot dog I’ve ever had? No, not really. But I’d ride the subway for 20 minutes to do it again.

6. Joe’s, 7 Carmine St, West Village

You cannot visit NYC without having a triangle slice with pepperoni. Joe’s is particularly good but packed with college kids. Or "and" packed with college kids, if you like that sort of thing.

7. Gyu-Kaku, 34 Cooper Square, East Village

Apart from the notable risks such as singing your eyebrows off, this Japanese BBQ joint imported from Japan is a find and a steal. It is reasonably priced and the cuts quality. Pork belly. Get it.

8. Bareburger, 2nd Ave, East Village

Shake Shack might beat it, but Bare Burger is pushing envelopes, walls, bison, elk. You can choose every element of this organic masterpiece. Brioche or wholemeal bun? Beef, chicken, moose, anything with four legs? Medium rare or well done? And the service is magic. And by magic, I mean our waitress with the huge boobs was very friendly and attentive. 

9. Clinton Street Baking Company, 4 Clinton St, Lower East Side

You’ll need to bring your sweet tooth here and then expect to lose it after taking in the creamed maple syrup. Sure, there are other things on the menu you could order but you’ll have food envy and end up assaulting somebody. Even if you don’t have a sweet tooth there is no denying how absolutely perfect these flat cakes are.

10. Katz’s Deli, 205 East Houston St, Lower East Side

Pastrami Sandwich. DO IT. And it’s open 24 hours. So do it all day and all night.
We stumbled in from the Meatpacking District at 5 am and the clientele at this time may have difficulty focusing, but the sandwiches are so big you'll need only partial vision to participate.

11. Pommes Frites, 123 2nd Ave, East Village

I don’t really need to say anything here. Fries in a CONE. A CONE.

12. Tompkins Square Bagels, 165 Avenue A, East Village

New Yorkers are spoilt for bagels. You could be conventional with your fillings and order salmon, wasabi cream cheese, anything else cliché. Or you could dislocate your jaw and hoe into something a little bit larger than life. Seriously, I injured myself tackling this thing but I did it for my country. I made a lasting impression on the New Yorkers who are not easily shocked by finishing this beast.

There is a perfectly rational explanation for why you are allowed so much excess baggage on US bound flights. These vagabond shoes are longing to stray - into a Weight Watchers. 

DEAD MAN ESPRESSO

Avast me hearties, breakfarrrrst.

There are the obvious attractive qualities of the language that is pirate but nobody makes mention of the diet that is pirate. In fact, pirates are widely known for scurvy, which is not considered a good thing and evokes such ugly imagery as yellowed teeth, absent limbs and jaundice. All aboard the wood panelled ship-like marvel that is Dead Man Espresso docked in South Melbourne. The arrrr-chitecture, coffee and breakfast will blow you away (and the man down... don’t pretend you’re not impressed by my repertoire of pirate dictum). It’s busy so we brave the wind and are seated outside on the deck shivering in our timbers (?).

The buttermilk pancakes with roof top honeycomb and white chocolate crumb is an obvious stand out until my one unpatched eye strays delightfully south towards the pork belly & spinach puree on brioche with a side of gazpacho. BANG. Dead man. Pork belly seldom disappoints and Dead Man’s adaptation of what they call a BLT is a pleasure. The gazpacho is a refreshing chaser and a curious accompaniment.

This is not authentic pirate fare as I suspect authentic pirate fare would include more fish and much more rum. Though, if you want fish there is the herb & potato rosti with poached egg, avocado and smoked salmon. These ingredients are often familiar on every breakfast menu in the 3 thousand postcodes but it is so well received and for good reason.

I jumped ship with a scone and an espresso sized takeaway cup with my dead man jam and cream – for later. And by later I mean in the car on the way home. But intermittent bites at red lights because I am responsible.

So get ye to this place because I know you’re about to stab me in the face if I make another pirate reference.  

Dead Man Espresso

35 Market St

South Melbourne VIC 3205

(03) 9686 2255

www.deadmanespresso.com.au

THE PREMISES

You don’t just travel to the West to leave your car in a darkened street with the keys in the ignition to commit insurance fraud. You travel to the West, preferably past Costco to explore niche little eateries with less pretention and more ink. You need your passport stamped to enter these suburbs and by passport I mean skin and by stamp I mean tattooed. Though, you don’t need to convert any currency and they even speak your language – Soy Latte.

Satire aside, I do have a deep affection for the West and not only the Vietnamese hub of Footscray but also Kensington where there are cafes lining suburban sidewalks.

The Premises is a deceptively moderately sized cafe, wood panelled and bright with an open kitchen. While you wait you’ll be teased by other people’s meals as they transit from kitchen to mouth – try to keep your hands to yourself. This may even help you to make your decision. The coffee was bang on, but it was the pancakes that completely floored me. And I mean floored. I was in a diabetic comatose state for the rest of the afternoon – the shakes, trembles, you name it. This was a special on the day, but given the crowd’s response I dare say it may feature quite regularly. Pancakes with rhubarb, cinnamon mascarpone, candied pistachios and orange syrup. The pancakes deliciously fluffy and the presentation jaw dropping, which is convenient so you can place these hot cakes in your mouth with little effort.

Other ordered items included the porridge and poached eggs with tomato and labna on sourdough. Who can think straight when there are pancakes on the screen though. 

PS If you do choose to commit insurance fraud in this neighborhood, you couldn't have picked a better place to be stranded.  

The Premises

202 Bellair St,

Kensington VIC 3031

(03) 9376 7565